Life After Death

It’s raining on this sweet summer night

Pitter patter on the petals of the tree

The tree that stands and holds on tight

Through every storm with all it’s might

 

I wrote a poem when my cousin died

Had no idea she was a poet as well

It’s funny how we suddenly show pride

In broken seashells washed up from the tide

 

Gloomy skies often remind me of her

As it rained the day she passed away

My childhood memories are such a blur

Oh, how I regret that we weren’t closer

 

But I can feel her in the summer sun

And I still see her in the blushing pink

Of soft petals on bright flowers undone

As Earth resembles the life of one

To Ashley, another poetic soul.

Daydreamer

I live deep inside my dreamy head

Where fantasy is real and reality is dead

And I’ve forgotten all the tears I’ve shed

From all the evil things he’s said

 

A place only I know could exist

Where words hit hard like a steel fist

Where he and I never kissed

And my love in no way goes dismissed

 

A beautiful world where I can be weird

Where all hate has disappeared

And my true wildness isn’t feared

My pure self can’t be interfered

 

An imaginary life of happy lies

With hidden truths in a sweet disguise

Where something forms from the simplest of hi’s

And a man finds his answers in my eyes

 

When stars flicker just for us and nights never have to end

Is it really so wrong for me to pretend?

Me Without You

I lost myself in a dream of you

Only to find

Our reality was my nightmare

I slowly burned my morals

For you

Picking apart my very soul

To please the dark in you

I bathed myself in a pool

Of self-loathing thoughts

I chipped my heart away

Until my love was nothing more

Than shattered remnants of

A beautiful soul cast out

Broken

Lost

Forgotten

Maybe you didn’t notice

If only

You would loosen your grip

On my aching heart

You might see

The flicker in the dust

The flame in the ashes

The glow in the shadows

Of our bitter truth

The filth that

Love couldn’t reach

You can’t see it

But

That fire that grows

That blaze that burns

Slightly brighter everyday

Is me

Rebirthing for something new

You don’t own me

Your control is slipping

And finally

I can breathe again

I can be me

Without you

And that kills you

My resurrection is killing you

But I won’t stop

You’ll never stifle me

I remember who I am

Away from you

And I adore

Every bit of me

Little Fairies (Part 6)

Nixie was awoken by her six thirty am alarm. It should be a sin to be up so early on your birthday but for some reason, school was somewhat important to her. At least that’s what she told herself in order to get out of bed and stalk like a zombie to the bathroom. She secretly hoped her mom would forget it was her “special day” and she made a plan to leave before her mom could apologize for last night’s embarrassing encounter with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes like she was still eight. Actually chocolate chip pancakes sounded so good and she wasn’t too old for a sweet breakfast like that but she would rather starve than talk to her mom about what happened last night. She decided she would stop by the diner on the way to school since Paula always gave her free pastries. the perks of your mom working at a diner. Nixie never turned down free food.

Luckily for her, Serafina was too hungover to get up on time but that only meant she would have to get Tania to school herself. She rushed her little sister out of the house so they could grab their pastries before school started but Paula did her one better. She remembered her birthday and made them sit down for a real breakfast on the house. Nixie was not about to refuse an actual meal so they grabbed a booth and ate fast. At this point, she didn’t even care if she was late to school but she knew if Tania was late on her watch, her teacher would inform their mom and she was trying to avoid Serafina for as long as she possibly could. Somehow though, Tania made it to school on time and Nixie wore a proud smirk at her small accomplishment.

In the school hall, her eyes met with Charlie’s as he stared at her while his friend talked his ear off about something that obviously meant nothing to him. She could tell he was going to try to talk to her before the next bell rang so she quickly shut her locker door and raced to class before he could escape his friend. He rolled his eyes at her elusiveness and walked to class in the opposite direction.

After second period, she stole away across the soccer field to hide behind the trees, her usual spot to smoke between classes. None of her so-called friends even cared she was finally sixteen and she wished she could just disappear like Easton had. If she was going to get through today, she would need a little help. She sparked a joint that she hid in her backpack and breathed deep, releasing the stress with each long exhale. She liked to imagine that the smoke drew out all the bad leaving only good in its place. But she barely got halfway through her therapy before being interrupted. She heaved a sigh of pure annoyance at the realization that she had no privacy anywhere in this bleak world.

Assuming it was Trevor trying to bum a hit of her weed, she didn’t even turn around to tell him off. “Get lost, Trevor. I’m not sharing shit with you on my birthday.”

“Sucks to be Trevor,” the voice replied and she spun around to see his face.

“What are you doing out here, Charlie?”

“Looking for you. Did you say it’s your birthday?”

“No.”

“Fuck, I feel bad. I didn’t know it was your birthday.” He could kick himself for ending their night so abruptly over her age. If only he knew, maybe they would’ve stayed out all night and skipped school today. He looked at his phone and decided it wasn’t too late. “Let’s get out of here.”

She looked at him with confusion scribbled across her face. “And go where?”

“Wherever you want. Come on, they won’t miss you in third period.”

Anywhere was better than here and she deserved to have fun on her birthday. Besides, he kind of owed her for shutting her down so quickly the night before. It might be nice to watch him attempt to make it up to her. “Ok, let’s go.”

He smiled and didn’t dare to ask to help her finish the blunt between her fingers. He did however, offer to carry her backpack for her.

“It’s ok, I got it.” She lifted it up and swung it around her back.

It looked heavy and he couldn’t let her carry that around, not with him by her side. He was raised better than that. “Give it here.” He pulled it off her shoulders and held it high. “Holy shit. What’s in here? You carry this much stuff around everyday? No wonder you look so miserable all the time.”

“Give it back. I can handle it.”

“No. Fuck that, you’re not carrying this thing at all today. No girl should have to carry anything on her birthday, especially not all this crap.” He carried a backpack on each shoulder and they walked across the soccer field just as the coach was bringing a P.E. class outside.

“Where are you guys headed?”

“Nowhere,” Charlie answered with a sly grin.

“Just be back for practice, Charlie.” Coach Peters could care less if they skipped school just as long as Charlie didn’t miss soccer practice.

“We’ll see.”

“What do you mean we’ll see? We need you out there.”

“I have plans.” He looked at Nixie and then back at the coach.

“So hang out and come back. You got a few hours.”

He turned around and said, “I need the whole day. You never ditch a lady on her birthday.” Then he turned back around and kept walking.

“Damn it!” Coach Peters was angry that he couldn’t threaten to kick him off the team like he could do to all the other players who took it seriously. He knew Charlie didn’t care to play soccer, he only joined the team as a favor to him. Coach really needed him since he was the best player on the team. He could literally use him for any position which made him valuable anytime a player got injured in the field.

“You don’t have to spend the whole day with me.”

“I want to.” He looked at her and suddenly thought that maybe she didn’t want to spend the day with him. “Unless you don’t.”

“You mean I don’t have to leave with you and have fun all day?”

“Get in the car before I change my mind.” He threw their backpacks in the trunk and tried to figure out where he would take her first. Then he remembered how much she loved the beach but hated how crowded they can get so close to summer. It was time to ask Uncle Ben for a big favor.

He dialed the number and spoke quickly while Nixie waited in the car. She saw him leaning against the driver’s side with the phone to his ear. Who was he talking too? She didn’t care, he was getting her out of this hell hole which made him her personal hero. Still, she wondered where he would take her and if he would turn her down if she kissed him again. She didn’t get it. He seemed so into the kiss and then he wasn’t. He couldn’t be that loyal to a friend who would just up and leave without an explanation. Could he be that much of a gentleman that he didn’t want to take advantage of her? He did carry her backpack which doesn’t seem like much but in this day in age with guys far from chivalry, it was hard to ignore such a gesture. Easton never carried her backpack or books for her. If Charlie isn’t careful, he may find himself a slave to her every whim and maybe this time, neither of them will hold back.

The Reckless Sick (Born Broken)

The heavy door slammed shut behind her and Levi shot his head back in her direction.

“Hey, you came.” He gave her a cheesy grin and held out a bottle of beer as she walked towards him.

“No thanks, I don’t drink.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want a beer belly.”

“You won’t get a beer belly from one beer.”

“I bloat easily.”

“Okay..” He rummaged through the snacks she brought trying to decide which to eat first. He finally started with a bag of chips. It seemed fitting since she wasted his salty snack the first time they met. She even got the right flavor, maybe she was paying more attention to him that day than he thought.

“You come up here a lot?”

“Yeah, sometimes you just need to get away from everyone and all the beeping machines and shoes squeaking down the halls.”

“I get it.”

“Do you? I thought you just got here.”

“Yeah, and I already hate it.”

“Why are you here?”

“Why are you?”

He untied his hospital gown and Harla had an instant flashback of the sight of his bare ass walking down the white halls. But he didn’t show her his backside this time. Instead, he pulled the gown down far enough to expose the ugly scars on his chest.

“Whoa! What happened?”

“Heart surgery.”

“My god, that looks terrible. Are you ok now?”

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out soon. Probably not though.”

“What’s wrong with your heart?”

“Everything. Congestive heart failure from a ventricular septal defect.”

“English?”

“I have a hole in my heart and it has trouble pumping blood adequately.”

“Seriously? Damn. How many times have they, um-”

“Cut me open?” He pointed to a fresh scar on his chest and continued, “This is number four and only I’m seventeen.”

“How did you get a hole in your heart?”

“I was born with it but it wasn’t detected until I was three. My birth-mom was high on cocaine a lot and gave birth to me at home. It wasn’t until my grandmother, her mom, took me to the hospital because I was breathing erratically and they found a pretty big hole in my heart. They filled it but the damage was done, it already caused heart failure. I’m lucky to still be alive.”

“That’s insane. So Dianne is your adoptive mother?”

“Yeah, my grandma couldn’t afford to raise me with all the medical procedures I needed so they had to put me up for adoption. She still comes by to see me, not my mom though.”

“I’m sorry, Levi. It’s not fair that you have to suffer because of her mistakes. But at least you have a great mom who loves you and you made it this far. You’re still alive, that’s a good thing.”

He grabbed another bag of snacks, cookies this time, and sipped his beer. “I don’t know how alive I really am, I can’t do normal things like everyone else. I’m stuck with this stupid, weak heart and a pacemaker.” He glanced at the ground and noticed he was the only one eating. “Are you gonna eat something so I don’t feel like a fatass eating everything by myself?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry. Just ate dinner and I don’t really snack.” She wished she was in a bathroom right about now to throw her dinner up. She couldn’t believe how good he was at distracting her from her awful habits.

“You don’t eat snacks? That’s weird. Who doesn’t like snacks?”

“Some people.” Crap! She’s going to give her secret away if she’s not careful. There’s no reason anyone else needs to know why she’s here. It’s bad enough that her parents know, if it were up to her, they wouldn’t know a damn thing. But she had to be careless and overdo it. Now she’s stuck in a hospital against her will. If it weren’t for Levi, she would be planning her great escape right this second. “How did you get beer anyway?”

“I got friends in low places.” He smirked and she caught a glimpse of a small dimple in his left cheek that she hadn’t noticed before. “So you’re going to make me drink and pig out alone? You’re great company, I’m so glad I asked you up here today.”

His eyes squinted at her from the last of the bright sun rays reaching the top of the building. She watched them sparkle in the light. Even through the tiny slits of his eyelids, the lustrous blue gleamed and she was momentarily entranced by their luminous glow. If that didn’t deserve a drink, what did? She argued with herself and finally grabbed the beer from his hand and took a sip. She looked back at him expecting to receive a smart-ass remark about drinking from his bottle after he offered her a fresh one but all he did was wink at her. Just that simple gesture alone sent flutters throughout her stomach and chest and she knew this boy would spell trouble for her. Still, she scooted closer to him and leaned against his wall. Then she reached for the cookies and took the smallest of nibbles. She didn’t even notice that he slid his arm around her until she leaned back again and her head gently rested on him and not on a hard, concrete wall.

Smooth move.

They shared the beer and cookies watching the sun as it set beyond the city of skyscrapers, its brilliant colors reflecting off glossy windows before fading into the night. She was ready for some trouble. Bring it on, Levi.

Little Fairies (Part 5)

When Nixie walked in the house, it was quiet and she knew her mom was out working her night job. It seemed so empty without Serafina’s giggles as she so often watched her favorite sitcoms late at night. Nixie almost felt like she was the only thing that held a breath in this tiny house and she checked on Tania as her paranoia grew at the thought of her mom leaving her little sister home alone like this. Once she heard her light snores, she felt an instant wave of relief and went straight to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Meanwhile, Serafina was halfway through her shift at Tease n’ Please, the local gentlemen’s club where she moonlighted as an exotic dancer for quick cash. Being the sole provider of two girls proved to be difficult when she worked day shifts at the diner alone so she found it necessary to pick up a night job. That’s where she makes most of her money and when she pulls out a handful of tips from her purse, she easily passes it off as tip money from the diner. Even so, she finds it difficult to make ends meet and Nixie finds herself doing the bulk of the housework while her mother works long hours earning extra cash.

She’s no fool to her mother’s true vocation, however she goes along with the charade as saying it out loud would only bring her disgust and humiliation. It’s not in her mother where she finds her disgust but in the repulsive thoughts of the dirty minds of men who show Serafina gratitude for the sight of her beautiful body in the form of crinkled cash. Nixie gathers that her mother hates it too from her crying outbursts and the pills she takes to control them.

Since she started her second job, though it may be her main source of income, she’s been exceedingly unhappy, breaking down at the sudden thought of her sad existence. Fearful of the example she sets for her teenage daughter, soon to be sixteen, she often denies the closing hours plastered on the front doors of the little diner thankful her daughter hasn’t tried to challenge her on it. She tells herself every month that it’s her last but the bills are so overwhelming and the pay is too good to pass up. ‘Just another month’ turns into five more just to keep up with every white envelope withholding large past due fees with her name printed on each.

It was easy for Nixie to pretend that her mom wasn’t stripping for dirty money from nasty men downtown since Serafina was good about separating her home life from work but tonight she would break that unspoken agreement between them. She stumbled through the front door with a strange man following close behind her, his hands gripping her small waist and a wicked grin resting along his sly face. The problem was, she was expected to encourage men to buy drinks all night at the club as part of her job and she was warned not to turn down a drink if offered making it very hard to remain sober by the end of her shift. Usually, her friend Tina accompanies her to the nearest late night cafe to sober up on coffee before they head their separate ways for the night. But Tina called out sick and Serafina was a vulnerable mess without her friend to steer her away from men with bad intentions looking for a free release. Being the first time she’s come home wasted and with an unknown guest, she was far from stealthy, unable to keep from waking the girls.

Fortunately, Nixie was quick to check on Tania to reassure her that everything was ok and she should close her eyes again. She waited a moment while her little sister drifted back into a deep sleep as the soft music playing from the pink boombox on Tania’s nightstand lulled her. Then she closed the door quietly behind her. She turned to face her mother who was shushing the man very loudly, unaware that she was the one making all the noise.

“Mom, what are you doing? Who is this?”

“It’s ok, sweetie. He’s just a friend.”

“Well, your friend has to leave.” Nixie faced the man who smelled of cigarettes and booze and said firmly, “Get out.”

“Nixie! Don’t be rude.”

“Listen, little girl, she invited me here and I’m not going anywhere until she says so.”

“Mom. Tell him to leave now or I’ll call the cops.”

“Can you calm down? He’s harmless. We’re just having fun.”

“You don’t even know his name, do you?”

“Hey, I’m the mom. Now go to bed, young lady.”

“It’s Bailey.” The man offered his hand as if Nixie would touch it knowing where he just came from.

“Bailey?” She scoffed. “I’m pretty sure that’s a girl’s name.”

“Nixie, seriously!”

The man chuckled, “It’s ok, I get that a lot.”

“It’s not ok. Apologize to him right now.”

“Fine. I’m sorry you have to leave now,” she said pushing him back out the door. “Bye.”

She slammed the door in his face, locking it and stomped off to her room without another word.

“What the hell was that?” Serafina stormed in her room after her.

“I just saved you from a possible rape, you’re welcome.”

“It’s not rape if I’m willing.”

“Go sober up before you embarrass yourself anymore.” With that, she shut her bedroom door on her mother and sighed heavily at how terrible this night turned out.

As if being used by Trevor and rejected by Charlie wasn’t enough, she now had to add her mother’s late night escapades to the list of unfortunate affairs that riddled her night. She wondered if anyone would remember her birthday tomorrow. What a sweet sixteen it’s looking to be.

Because Black is Your Favorite Color

You stare fearfully from across the room

As the darkness seeps from inside my head

It escapes, spilling from these eyes of gloom

And drips upon the edge of this bed

 

You watch it writhing in its own filthy pool

Staining sheets and skin with a mystic splash

Remembering the times you played me for a fool

When you were god and I, your trash

 

I hated you, the black, it grew

It festered, filling every thought

Now it flows, it’s coming for you

For all your sins, you will be caught

 

I look at you with bleeding eyes

Are you scared of me and all my hate?

I smile wickedly at your terror-filled cries

You should be, dear, for I’ve sealed your fate

 

Currently listening to Control by Halsey

Who am I?

Who am I?

I search for the answer in the souls of others

What I find is all too misleading

To men, I am nothing more than my curves

Something to lust after and grope

I am a pretty face with a tragic heart

With my heart as an obstacle and my face the target

 

Who am I?

If you ask my mother

I am a wonderful creature that can do no wrong

A light in the dark

A burst of magic in a dreary world

The sweetest pair of sunshine eyes

Her own little piece of happiness

 

Who am I though?

If you ask my sister

I’m a promiscuous being

A wild flirt turning chaos into adventure

I’m fun and free and full of life

A belly full of laughs

And a mind full of dreams

 

Still, who am I?

If you ask my husband

I’m a great mother and a caring wife

A sweet girl with a lost soul

Indecisive, lonely and scared

A hopeless romantic who’s forgotten how to love

Someone who can’t be trusted

 

But who am I?

If you ask me, I have no clue

I’m a wildfire consuming life in its path

I’m a daring fool with an open heart

The most selfish selfless person to walk this Earth

I’m a carefree, spirited lover

With an emptiness that has yet to be filled

 

Maybe now you don’t want to know me

But if you still do, good luck

The Reckless Sick (Anywhere But Here)

“Are you crazy? I’m not staying here that long!” Harla protested at the unfavorable news.

“Sweetie, calm down. People can hear us.” Margaret was always worried about reputation and the impression her family left on others.

“Oh, my God. I don’t care if people can hear me, I’m in a freakin hospital. If we go home now, we’ll never have to see anyone here again.”

“Harla, we’re not going home. You have a problem, ok? You’re sick.”

It shocked Harla to hear her father raise his voice to her even if it was slight, he was usually so quiet and often avoided arguments. But this was different, she deceived them. She hurt not only herself but those closest to her and to his chagrin, she didn’t seem to care. Who was she? He felt as though he didn’t know her anymore. Maybe he never did.

“Dad, I’m fine. I promise to keep it under control from now on.”

“Under control? Do you even recognize yourself? Because I don’t.” He glared at her in complete disbelief before walking away.

“Dad?”

“It’s just hard for him to see you like this, sweetie. You could be more compassionate to his feelings after all you put him through.” Margaret stood silent, studying her daughter’s frail state. She blamed herself. How could she not notice such drastic changes in her daughter’s attitude and form. Anyone on the outside looking in might gather that she hardly cared enough to know what was going on in her own home. She decided she had to fix her family. “I’ll talk to him, you just relax, dear. And please eat something.”

It was difficult for Harla to feel empathy for very long when everyone kept telling her to eat. Is it really a sickness if you have control over it? Does she have control? She was starting to believe her parents might be right which was a dangerous thing to admit in her mind. No. No! She’s not sick. She wouldn’t admit to anyone, especially not herself.

Suddenly, she noticed something. She looked around the room and realized she was alone again. Well, if she was going to be stuck in this godforsaken hospital, she might as well explore further outside her room than she was able to yesterday. She stealthily snuck on the other side of her door and past the nurses, as if they cared enough to pay attention to patients walking around aimlessly. They weren’t her babysitters. Her sly maneuvers were unnecessary but still, she felt as though her parents would pop out of any corner and ruin her moment of short-lived freedom. She walked along the halls swiftly unsure of what it was she searched for. If she found a door that led to the outside world, that wouldn’t be so bad. And now that she wore actual decent clothing, she would fit right in with the everyone else. Just as she spotted the elevators and started towards them, a nurse darted around the corner and sped past her pushing a child in a wheelchair causing Harla to back up abruptly and bump into yet another person.

Will not a day go by that I don’t bump into somebody in these wretched, white halls? She thought to herself.

“Sorry, I’m a known clutz in these halls,” she explained before turning to face the person she backed into and immediately recognized him as the original boy she bumped into just the day before. “Oh, my God, again? I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, it’s cool. Look, no chips. We’re good,” he said with a cute chuckle, holding his hands up on display.

“Why are you still in your hospital gown?”

“It’s comfy. No, I’m still recovering from surgery and it’s really hard for me to dress and undress myself. Then the family wants to help and it’s just a nightmare.”

“Gotcha. Wow, surgery. That’s serious.”

“Nah, not really. I get out of here in a week. What about you?”

“My parents are making me stay here for another three days.”

“That’s not so bad. Where are you headed?”

“Trying to escape,” she admitted with her eyes on the elevators.

“Already? Damn, you’re impatient. How about I show you around and you won’t cause a panic from being M.I.A.?”

She shot another glance at the elevator door as it closed and sighed softly. “Sure, exploring a hospital sounds fun,” she spoke in a sarcastic tone.

“Eh, it’s no rave but it beats lying in bed all day.”

After an hour of Levi showing her the entire pediatrics ward and introducing her to some of the other teens admitted there, he walked her back to her room where her parents paced frantically fearing the worst.

“Harla! Are you crazy? You can’t just up and leave every time we walk away. You were gone so long this time, I had the whole hospital searching for you,” Margaret scolded dramatically until she saw Levi walk up next to her daughter. “Who is this? A new friend?”

“Yes, and you’ve already done an awesome job at embarrassing me in front of him so thank you for that, Mom.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just showing her around and we lost track of time.”

“Well, you’re very polite. Maybe some of your good manners will rub off on Harla.”

“All right, we’re done here. Bye, Levi.” With that, Harla closed her room door on him before he could respond. Then she turned to her mom in disapproval. “That was thoroughly humiliating.”

“Harla, that was extremely rude. That poor boy was so nice to you and you just slammed the door in his face. Well, there goes your only chance at a good friend. I mean, my god.”

“Dial down the exaggeration, Mom, he’ll be back. Where else is he gonna go, honestly?”

The next day was slightly more tolerable for Harla since her parents had to go back to work. They were reluctant to leave her alone in the hospital but the nurse assured them she would be fine. Margaret tussled with the idea as if she had the choice to stay but finally she left and Harla was instantly relieved. She roamed the halls freely uncertain of where to go.

Anywhere but here please.

Surprisingly she didn’t see Levi and she wondered if her mother was actually right about driving him away with her unpleasant attitude. She rolled her eyes at the very notion of her mother’s dramatization of the situation being even remotely accurate. As luck would have it, she returned to her room to find a piece of paper taped to the wall by her bed with a note scribbled on it.

Meet me on the roof after dinner and bring snacks. You owe me. – Levi

She smiled as she read the note. It was early and she found herself counting down the hours until dinner for the first time ever. After she ate a few bites of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, she grabbed a few bags of chips and cookies from the snack machine and raced to the roof. Her mom was right about one thing, he was her only chance at friendship right now and she’s never had a real friend before. She tried not to pity herself as she opened the large door leading to the roof. She felt a cool breeze blow through her tiny figure as the door swung open and her first sight was Levi sitting up against the wall watching the sun set in the distance.

Little Fairies (Part 4)

His eyes wandered about her as if to learn who she had become since he last saw her. She used to be this carefree being, fun and full of passion, but now she was cautious and guarded. Easton’s disappearance had turned her into something she wasn’t and Charlie was strangely determined to get the old Nixie back. Why did it matter to him? She was right, they barely knew each other but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. He couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for her since it was his best friend who loved her and left her. But more than that, he needed her to believe that Easton wasn’t a bad guy, that he wouldn’t just abandon them so suddenly without a reason.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, like you just realized you don’t know me.”

“I don’t. You’re different now.”

“Is that bad?”

“I don’t know yet. But I kinda miss the old you who used to do cartwheels in the sand in your underwear and then complain about sand in your bra-”

“So I would skinny dip in the ocean. I remember those nights.” She passed the joint to him and he inhaled deep then exhaled softly, sending out a smooth stream of smoke that hit the windshield and floated back in their faces just before seeping out of the cracks of the slightly opened windows.

“Do something. Something crazy that would wake her up again and shock the shit out of me.”

“Like what?”

“If I tell you what to do then you wouldn’t be surprising me.”

“Can’t we just chill?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

She sighed with smoke spilling from her mouth and nose as she contemplated her next move. She couldn’t resist his charming smile, it completely captivated her attention. The radio was playing quietly and a song from her past filled the space between them with its low bass and fast beat. A smile creeped along her face and she took a long hard drag before exiting the car. “Turn it up!” She yelled from in front of the car.

He turned the volume up pretty loud and his lowlights on to see her better with. He couldn’t hide the smile that spread across his face as he watched her body move to the beat of the blaring music. She was good, too good. He never knew she could dance to hip hop, it wasn’t exactly their favorite genre to listen to with the group but this was an old school tune so she must have learned it before they ever met.

Every move was perfect like they were engraved into her brain and her body was a mere puppet being manipulated by a skilled hand. Soon the song ended but she didn’t come back inside the car. As a slow song played next, she continued dancing in a more sensual way with her hips swaying seductively and her hair flowing in the cool breeze. She removed the jacket her mother cautioned her to wear, slowly sliding it off her arms and onto the ground. It was then that Charlie noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra as he caught sight of her nipples hardening in the coolness of the night air. He quickly looked away reminding himself that she wasn’t his to look at. But he was high and she was still dancing and he could feel his self control growing weaker with every passing second. He laid eyes on her again, watching her feel the music with her soft curves. He was a stone statue sitting there ogling a girl who wasn’t meant for him. His smile faded and desire took its place as he licked his lips wanting more of something he couldn’t have. He fought the urge to grab her with all his might until his brain was compromised by lustful thoughts and overpowered by a strong stirring deep inside of him.

“Fuck it.” He said to himself in a low groan and stepped out of the car faster than he could contemplate his actions. He sauntered to her and met her promiscuous smile with his own hungry smirk. He didn’t utter a word, he only grasped her waist and pulled her into him. She threw her arms over his shoulders and tickled the back of his neck with lingering fingers. He leaned in close but stopped before touching his lips to hers.

“Charlie,” she whispered his name like it was all he needed to hear to taste her lips.

Instead, it did the exact opposite. He pulled away and shook his head trying to wake up from the daze she held him in.

“What’s wrong?” She was confused, nothing had happened but he was upset, guilty even.

“You’re not mine, that’s what’s wrong. We should go.”

“No, I don’t want to go home.”

“Get in the car, Nix.”

“No. It’s not your job to worry about me. You’re right, I’m not yours but I’m not his either. He left, he’s gone. I’m allowed to move on.”

“So why haven’t you? You’re stuck in this state of sadness. I see you moping around the halls, getting high in between classes and hanging out with jerks like Trevor. It’s like you’re not even real anymore, you’re a freakin’ ghost.”

“So, what are you doing with me right now? Trying to fix me? To save me from myself?”

“No! I don’t know. Yes. Is it so wrong that I want to help you be you again?”

“If you’re doing it for him, then yes. Wake up, Charlie. He’s gone.”

“He’ll be back, trust me.”

“Oh, my God. You’re the one that needs to move on, not me. He’s not coming back. You need to know that.”

“He wasn’t supposed to leave without us. We had a plan and he wrecked it all. All we had to do was graduate and then we could go anywhere. It doesn’t make sense that he would just leave us behind like he did. He’ll be back, I know it.”

“Excuse me if I don’t share in your wishful thinking but he broke my heart so I’m done talking about him. We were having fun before we started arguing about.. him.”

“Easton. What, are you afraid to say his name?”

“I hope he doesn’t come back and then we won’t have to explain to him why your hand was on my ass a minute ago.”

“Good God, you’re insufferable. Just get in the car so I can take you home already.”

“We’re not that far, I’ll walk.”

“You’re not walking. Get in.”

Nixie didn’t have the patience to argue anymore and she wasn’t waiting for him to grow a pair of balls and kiss her the way he wanted to before he gained a conscience. She grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the car with her full lips, holding him there longer with her soft tongue exploring his mouth. He didn’t fight it, he couldn’t. He wanted it just as badly as she did, maybe even more. Of course he wanted it more, she was a sight dancing provocatively for him in a tiny, see-through tank and itty bitty shorts. He wondered if she skipped out on wearing panties too but he battled with the urge to slip his fingers under her jean shorts to find out. Just then, she pressed her chest against his so he could feel her hard nipples poking him softly through his shirt. She was really nudging him past the point of no return and he needed to intervene quickly before he crossed that invisible line that couldn’t be ignored for too long.

It was too late. She moaned softly in his mouth and he lost the strength to hold back. He lifted her by the thighs and squeezed them tightly in his firm grip. She wasn’t some stick-skinny girl, she had a great body with luscious curves and he loved that about her. For a thin frame, she had thick thighs and a juicy ass that he couldn’t wait to bite into but he told himself he wouldn’t let it get that far since she was only fifteen.

Fifteen, fuck! He dropped her to her feet and turned to open the car door for her, then he looked at her and said, “It’s late. Let me get you home.”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“Fine.” She slipped into the passenger’s seat and crossed her arms over her chest.

Suddenly, she was quite aware that her nipples were visible through her shirt and she felt ashamed for throwing herself at someone who didn’t seem to want her. He picked up her jacket from the ground and brought it to her so she could cover herself back up.

What has gotten into her? She never threw herself at Trevor after all the times he tried something. So why was she all over Charlie? Besides his soft lips and blue-grey eyes, his strong arms that could lift her up with one swoop and his sexy smile that held her gaze, he was just a guy like all the rest. There’s nothing special about him. She kept feeding herself that same line the entire drive home but no matter how many times she recited it in her mind, it didn’t stop her from seeing him in a different light than the rest of them. He was different and she couldn’t fight her attraction to him.